Little Miracles

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my {daughter}, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." D&C 122:7

The last few days have been a whirlwind, an emotional rollercoaster, and an opportunity to watch the Lord at work. In many ways, this not-even-a-week-since-the-appointment, has been some of the hardest days of my last three years.

People may wonder why. Afterall, "this is so exciting to have a plan...at least {I} know the next step...and now {we} know what {we} need to do..." All of this is all very fine and good. In a small way it is comforting, but it should be said and realized that many lonely emotions come with knowing and digesting our very slim chances, as well as doing all I can to raise these precious funds to try just a little harder to get our babies here.

I think people view IVF as for sure. Perhaps that is why I get the responses I do...as if the journey is over. It is just starting. In a way, this process is a whole other journey in itself. I've felt and started to deal with a whole set of different and deeper emotions. Hopefully, just like all hard things, I will come out better for it.

I've been blessed to recognize the little miracles that are happening around me. The Lord truly works through other people. I read an email from a friend yesterday that brought comfort, and I believe what was said, "It is simply not intended for any of us to lift the load alone." I can avidly say, I have not been lifting this load on my own. Whenever it starts to feel that way, someone is sent to help and lift me up. Miracle.

I will be forever grateful to those who are so willingly and selflessly helping me to get things organized and planned. I learned last night that the 5K is going to happen on November 13th without any purchase of permit through the city (which is in my opinion an act of God). I don't know exactly how this is all happening so fast, but I know why...and I know who is in charge.

I hope you can find comfort today in recognizing the small miracles that take place throughout this process: the friendships that are made, the small windows of comfort that are granted after prayer, the way we can be guided in all things and especially in the decisions we make. Most importantly, I hope we can focus on the people we can be after this "billowing surge conspires" against us. I hope we can glimpse at the way we are seen in His eyes, and know that it is best. I know He is molding me into who He wants me to be, and I believe that is where the true and lasting miracle lies.

"And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." D&C 84:88

(written 10/21/10)